.a message from the west virginia tourism council.
Because of misunderstandings that frequently develop when Easterners and
Californians enter West Virginia, our Tourism Council has adopted a new
policy.  In an effort to help outsiders understand the rural West Virginian's
mind, the following list will be handed to each person as they enter the
State....

1.    That slope-shouldered farm boy did more work before breakfast than you do all week at the gym.
2.    It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Navigator. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it.
3.    We all started hunting and fishing when we were five years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.
4.    Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get you whipped...by our women.
5.    Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a flathead fish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for those little13-inch trout you fish for...bait.
6.    Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.
7.    If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.
8.    That's right. Whiskey is only $2.50 a drink. We can buy a fifth at the Giant Eagle grocery store for what you paid in the airport for one drink.
9.    No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu.  Order steak.  Order it rare.  Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey.  Yeah, in restaurants you get sweet tea by default.  It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.  If you don't want sweet tea, say you want "unsweet tea".
10.    You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.
11.    So you have a sixty thousand dollar car.  We're real impressed.  We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we only drive two weeks a year.
12.    Let's get this straight.  We have one stoplight in town.  We stop when it's red.  We may even stop when it's yellow.
13.    Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks-because they want to.  So, you're a feminist.  Isn't that cute?
14.    Yeah, we eat catfish, carp too - and turtle.  You really want sushi and caviar?  It's available at the bait shop.
15.    They are pigs.  That's what they smell like.  Get over it.  Don't like it?  Interstate 64 goes two ways-Interstate 77, goes the other two.  I-79; that's goes catty corner.  Pick one and use it accordingly.
16.    The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season.  It's a religious holiday.  You can get breakfast at the church.
17.    So every person in every pickup waves.  It's called being friendly.  Understand the concept?
18.    Yeah, we have golf courses.  Don't hit in the water hazards.  It spooks the fish.
19.    That Highway Patrol Officer that just pulled you over for driving like an idiot...his name is "Sir"...no matter how old he is.

Please enjoy your visit to West Virginia!