.if men were to rewrite the rules -
part 2.
author unknown
(these are all numbered "1" on purpose)
1. If you think you are
fat, you probably are. Do not ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's
up, put it down.
1. Do not cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more
attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting
married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then, you are
stuck with her.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we
can find the perfect present yet again!
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to; expect an answer you
do not want to hear.
1. Sometimes, we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
1. Do not ask us what we are thinking about unless you are prepared
to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and Nascar.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is not a sport, and no, we are never going to think
of it that way.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.
1. You have enough clothes. You have too many shoes.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Your ex-boyfriend is an idiot.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
do not work. Strong hints do not work. Obvious hints do not
work. Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries
on
a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
1. Check your oil. Please.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it
done-not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. More women should wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses. We
like staring at boobs.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
girlfriends like THEIR relationships are SO MUCH better.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
hassle.
1. We enjoy talking about music, video games, computers and cars.
That's life.
1. What the hell is a doily?