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1. Put a $1.39 worth in your car from each
pump before paying. Insist that you suffer from bi-polar mathematical
disorder to the clerk when you do finally pay. 2. Crouch behind a shelf for several minutes and then slowly stand up while staring directly at the cashier before slowly crouching back down. Move to another shelf and repeat until you are asked to leave. 3. Grab a bunch of bananas and frighten the other customers by banging them against your head while screaming "Sloth love banana!". If there are no bananas substitute a banana filled snack cake. 4. Check for a photo-copy machine. Ask clerk for change for machine. Take down pants. See how many times you can photo-copy your butt before getting thrown out. 5. Buy some candy cigarettes. Walk amongst the gas pumps while flinging the candy cigs at customers' gas tank openings. Say clever things like "Good thing they're fake huh?". See how long it takes for anyone to say anything. 6. Squirt other customers with the gas hose. 7. Insist to the clerk that you must have some "light Twinkies, right now!". 8. Ask very loudly if you can borrow a porno magazine with your library card. 9. Park near a gas pump and leave for 3 hours. Come back, leave. 10. Engage the clerk in conversation. Keep asking him if "working in this is like the movie Clerks". Inquire as to whether he's ever closed the store to go to a funeral. Read the National Enquirer's headlines to him/her then ask if you're being annoying. Leave without buying anything. Come back the next day, repeat. Keep this up until clerk goes crazy and quits. 11. Get $2.00 worth of gas. Ask for receipt. Scrutinize it carefully while giving the clerk mistrustful looks. Leave muttering something about a "Zionist Imperial conspiracy". Yell at the newspaper rack. |
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added 11.25.99 |
see also n/a |
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updated n/a |