- attack of the bodily functions
This story was printed originally in Issue 3 of the Corn
'Zine.
Well fellas, pull up a chair 'cause this one's a doozie. The setting (not that it really matters): Frat Party #7392, Morgantown, U.S.A. The typical amenities are included; Beer, chips, pizza, and various other forms of ingested pleasure are in abundance. Tens of people filing up and down the stairs, in and out of bathrooms, and, most important to this particular story, in and out of the bedrooms as well.
Also pertinent to the story line of this tale is the presence of a young man and a young lady who, before the eve of this memorable occasion, had not been so much as introduced. Nothing extraordinary can be said about the young man. However, I will now divulge to you some key facts regarding the woman of whom I write. Apparently, she had been having some back problems, or something of the like, earlier that week. So bothered by her affliction, she visited her doctor. Being a sympathetic member of the clinical community, he prescribed to her a muscle relax which he felt would be more than sufficient to alleviate her symptoms. Flexiril, the drug he prescribed, is usually dispensed in 10mg tablets which are to be taken once in a twelve hour period. And, under no circumstances, is to be taken in conjunction with alcoholic beverages. At this point, methinks any reader with half a brain can see the foreboding doom that awaits this young lady at this party....
On the eve of the festivities, this young lady must have been unusually troubled by her bothersome back, because she took two of the aforementioned tablets just a few hours before the party, disregarding the label on the bottle which read: "Take one tablet by mouth every twelve hours." Also ignored was the warning label at the bottom of the bottle: "Do not consume alcohol while on this medication." So, naturally, when she arrives at the frat house, she wastes no time consuming copious quantities of beer and pizza and chips. During all of the socialization, dancing, and imbibing, this young woman became.......HORNY. Enter the young man.
The two impetuous youths found their way to a bedroom upstairs and proceeded to do "the nasty". Eventually, both passed out cold from their own blood-alcohol contents. Sometime hours later, the young man awoke to a most disturbing sight. Upon looking over to see who lay beside him, he was able to discern what lay beside him. There, on the edge of the bed on the other side of the chick, lay two HUGE piles of human feces. That Flexeril does wonders, does it not?
Terrified, the young man bolted and ran home to his own shower as fast as his legs would carry him. His next duty as a college frat boy, after cleaning up, was to tell the tale to as many of his friends as he could. Eventually, the story was passed down until it lay upon the ears of this writer, who, rest assured, was just as entertained by it as you are.
Well, that about wraps it up for this week's More Drunken Frat Stories. Tune in next time for more chuckles and laughs. And remember: Never get shit-faced after taking an overdose of muscle relaxants. Happy celebrating!