- I will not carve gods.
- I will not spank others.
- I will not aim for the head.
- I will not barf unless I am sick.
- I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.
- I saw nothing unusual in the teacher's lounge.
- I will not conduct my own fire drills.
- Funny noises are not funny.
- I will not snap bras.
- I will not fake seizures.
- This punishment is not boring and pointless.
- My name is not Dr. Death.
- I will not defame New Orleans.
- I will not prescribe medication.
- I will not bury the new kid.
- I will not teach others to fly.
- I will not bring sheep to class.
- A burp is not an answer.
- The teacher is not a leper.
- Coffee is not for kids.
- I will not eat things for money.
- I will not yell "She's dead" at roll call.
- The principal's toupee is not a Frisbee.
- I will not call the principal a "spud head."
- Goldfish don't bounce.
- Mud is not one of the 4 food groups.
- No one is interested in my underpants.
- I will not sell miracle cures.
- I will return the seeing-eye dog.
- I do not have diplomatic immunity.
- I will not charge admission to the bathroom.
- I will never win an Emmy.
- The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.
- I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
- I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.
- My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man.
- I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.
- I am not deliciously saucy.
- Organ transplants are best left to the professionals.
- The Pledge of Allegiance does not end with "Hail Satan."
- I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.
- There are plenty of businesses like show business.
- Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
- I will not waste chalk.
- I will not skateboard in the halls.
- Underwear should be worn on the inside.
- The Christmas Pageant does not stink.
- I will not torment the emotionally frail.
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