| I was standing at the copier blithely hitting copy over and over. A hundred copies of the flyer for the next show, and instead of punching in 100, I was doing one at a time. But this was not the extent of what I was doing (oh no!), I was also staring longingly at the water jug contently bubbling in the corner and the hallway to the bathroom, then the opposite direction to the break room and coffee. After wasting a good fifteen minutes here I could go get some water, beat-off in the bathroom, and fill my coffee mug, thereby wasting, oh, probably three quarters of an hour before going back to my ergonomic office seat,
Dead Kennedy plastered walls of my cubicle, and glowing computer screen. There were TPS reports in there somewhere, I knew it! Wasting a total hour of work time, stealing a little bit back from the man. This is what was going on when I saw my good friend, Richard Dickerson walk up to me, huge, insulated coffee jug in hand.
"Dick, what are you doing here? I thought you quit."
"I did. I just came down to get some coffee and say hi," he says to me. "You came all the way down town for a mug of coffee?" Then he throws open his shoulder bag revealing the three pounds he’s stolen from the freezer in the break room, “No, I’m low at home.” "So, what have you been into?" Dick had quit his job two weeks ago, doing the classic Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you. "Oh," he replies. "Whatever I want to. Since I quit I’ve read five amazing books, caused a little upheaval for those bastards at Mutiny, set up a benefit show, and defaced a couple of billboards. And I’ve been listening to a lot of Godspeed, You Black Emperor!" "Man, whatever I want to, that sounds nice. But what are you doing for money?" "Not much, I’m looking into getting some help from good ol’ Uncle Sam, but I’m basically living off my last paycheck. I’ve moved into the smallest, cheapest apartment I could find, gave away a lot of my stuff, and I’ve made a contact to do some under-the-table work if things get tight, but I’m hoping to make the move to not needing money." "Not needing money, man, that’s crazy-talk!” "No, it’s not. How much do you get paid here? Seven bucks an hour? That’s not even one band t-shirt an hour! You’re working three hours for a pair of jeans (on sale), two hours for a CD, four hours to take your girlfriend out on a nice date, five hours for a case of semi-good beer and a bottle of Bushmills . . . does that hardly seem worth it?" "Well, no, when you look at it that way, but I’m going to be moving up. This is just a stepping stone. And I’m looking at financing a new car, as soon as I get moved up to assistant-to-the-assistant-of-the-guy-who-doesn’t-do-anything-because-he’s-got-assistants." "Matt, wake up, you’re getting used by the system." "Who the hell are you supposed to be: Morpheus? This is my life, Dick, not everyone can just go do whatever they want like you." "Bullshit. Everyone can do whatever they want, you’ve just been programmed by mass-media and corporate marketing to believe you can’t. I know a lot of people doing exactly what they want to do and nothing else. Your money is time. What’s more important? I’d rather be a little hungry, lying half-naked in the sun than getting carpal tunnel beneath fluorescent lights. I’d rather be riding my bike and walking than paying for a status symbol for ten years. I’d rather eat dumpstered bagels than work four hours for a meal at some chain restaurant." "Dick, who the hell are you? Who talks like that?" "Well, first off, lots of folks do. I’ve been reading some crimethInc. literature, and a bunch of other stuff written by people who do just what I’m saying, and are loving life. Secondly, I’m not real, remember? I’m just a character Mark and Bud made up years ago screwing with you about that one mutiny.fest. You’re using me to have a little fun and make some points about why people should quit their jobs. And I’m non-too-sure you’re even doing that well." "Oh, okay, blow my cover on the whole thing. But to get back into character: is this lifestyle really fulfilling?" "Absolutely, that’s what it’s all about. Look, if you’re happy doing what you’re doing, keep doing it. But what I’m saying is, you don’t have to. You have more options than you realize, and the sooner you do, the easier it’ll be. Read the fighting for our lives pamphlet or Days of War, Nights of Love. I talk to people all the time, Matt, and they feel trapped. They feel like they’re doing what they’re doing because they don’t have a choice, this is their reality. But we make our own reality! Your life can be whatever you want. So, if you’re not happy, do something. Take steps towards being happy. Don’t be such a sap and stand there telling me you like what you’re doing while planning to waste as much time as possible until you can get home to drink and play video games." "You’re talking like those people who don’t flush the toilet after they take a piss." "Hey, if it’s brown, flush it down, if it’s yellow, let it mellow. That’s a good point. When you flush the toilet, that’s about a gallon of water. Good, clean, drinkable water (except that it’s in a toilet). I’m not saying to drink out of your toilet, but there are plenty of people in this world who don’t have access to a gallon of drinkable water! What you waste in a day could take care of entire families for a month." "Well, yeah, but what do you want me to do, mail my toilet water to Somalia?" "No, of course not, that’s too silly even for this, but what I’m saying is to pay more attention to what you are doing. Our standard of life is so high, it’s absolutely ridiculous. And we think it makes us happy, but it doesn’t (just entitled), we’re constantly pursuing happiness, but we never reach it. I’m all about life-is-a-journey-not-a-destination, but I also don’t want to walk circles around the mountain when I can climb to the top. But to climb to the top, you may need to jettison some baggage you thought important." "Like my job?" "Only if you’re unhappy. Don’t quit your job just to quit your job, that’d be as stupid as getting a job you don’t like just for the money. Simply do what you want to and nothing else." "Do you think anyone’s actually going to want to hear this?" "If you don’t know, then how can I? But I do know, since I quit my job I feel amazing. Remember AHIMSA? That’s me, man, I’m empowering my existence. And when people ask me what I’m doing, and I say whatever I want and nothing else, I see this anger and fear in their eyes. They feel threatened to think there’s a better way. There’s always a better way, Matt. You just need to expand your awareness, open your eyes, look at the world in a new way. It’s pretty simple, actually. "I need some more coffee. How many pounds did you leave in the freezer?" Fuck you, fuck you, you’re cool, fuck you.
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